The Assertiveness Workbook
Second Edition published 2022
Originally published in 2000 by New Harbinger Publications, this workbook considers two primary questions: "What holds us back from being assertive?" and "What are the specific skills required for effective assertive communication?"
This section of my site provides the table of contents from the book, a series of videos based on the four fundamental communication styles, and downloadable versions of several of the forms and measures included in the book.
Table of Contents
In Part One, On the Launchpad, the nature of assertiveness is discussed. We consider assertiveness as a life stance inviting everyone to be fully present. The four primary communication styles are reviewed.
Part Two, Leaping the Barriers to Assertiveness, considers the factors holding people back from using the assertive style more often. Strategies for overcoming each of the barriers are given.
Part Three, Becoming Assertive, presents the strategies to use assertive communication in a variety of different situations, from offering an opinion to saying no to making requests.
Table of Contents
Acknowledgements Introduction: Being there
Part One: On the Launchpad
Chapter 1. Being There
Chapter 2. The Four Communication Styles
Chapter 3. Ten Principles of Assertiveness
Part Two: Leaping the Barriers to Assertiveness
Chapter 4. Overcoming the Stress Barrier
Chapter 5. Overcoming the Social Barrier
Chapter 6. Overcoming the Belief Barrier
Chapter 7. The Assertive Mindset
Part Three: Becoming Assertive
Chapter 8. Becoming Visible: Nonverbal Behavior
Chapter 9. Being Present: Giving Your Opinion
Chapter 10. How to Accept a Gift: Receiving Positive Feedback
Chapter 11. Giving Helpful Positive Feedback
Chapter 12. Taking the Heat: Receiving Negative Feedback
Chapter 13. Constructive, Not Critical: Giving Corrective Feedback
Chapter 14. Defending Your boundaries: The Assertive 'No'
Chapter 15. Making Requests Without Controlling Others
Chapter 16. Countdown to Confrontation
Chapter 17. Constructive Confrontation
Postscript: Being You
“Randy Paterson’s assertiveness training workbook is the best resource available: user-friendly, evidence-informed, and effective. It belongs on every bookshelf.”
— Dan Bilsker, PhD, coauthor of Psychological Health and Safety
Style 1: Avoid conflict at all costs.
The passive style is all about giving in to others so they don’t attack you. The problem is, the more you go along with unreasonable requests, the more of them you get.
Style 2: Win at any expense.
The aggressive style is designed to establish your dominance over others - temporarily. Eventually people start avoiding or undermining you and you discover that you are alone.
Style 3: Attack with deniability.
The passive aggressive style is all about getting your own way and letting your anger out of the box, but without having to take responsibility for your behaviour. Sadly, it doesn’t take others long to catch on to what we’re doing.
Style 4: Communicate with equals.
The assertive style involves treating everyone with respect - yourself included - and controlling your own behaviour, not the behaviour of other people. Given that we only have genuine control over ourselves, this style makes relationships easier, smoother, and more flexible. And the changes we seek in others often take place without effort on our part.
FREE:
The Assertiveness Workbook
Book Club
A book is great, but what do the skills LOOK LIKE? To accompany the book I have developed a series of videos (one per chapter) discussing and demonstrating various concepts and skills from the book. This is available to anyone, but likely to be most useful for those reading along with the book itself.